Starting to Write Personal Essays

Roots and Wings: Insights from Personal Essays

When I first embarked on the journey of writing personal narrative essays, I was both excited and apprehensive. There’s something profoundly vulnerable about putting your thoughts and experiences into words for others to read. After over a decade of writing mainly fiction, I was nervous about sharing my personal histories and putting my truths down on paper. To ease this transition and to learn more about the craft of personal essay writing, I immersed myself in the narrative essays of others, seeking both inspiration, guidance and courage.

Reading personal essays written by others became a cornerstone of my new writing venture. Each essay I encountered was like a new window into a different life, offering unique perspectives and experiences. These essays taught me the art of vulnerability, showing me how others share their truths openly and without reservation. I observed how other writers navigated their challenges, celebrated their victories, and reflected on their journeys with honesty, and often displaying admirable amounts of grace and humility.

One of the most profound lessons I learned was the power of authenticity. The best personal essays resonated with me because they felt real and unfiltered. Writers who bared their souls on the page encouraged me to do the same, to strip away the pretense and share my genuine self. This was something that has long been a challenge for me in nonfiction writing. My early essays were often raw and unpolished, and, possibly, not very good, but it was in writing them that I recognized the true power of narrative essay writing.

As I explored various platforms to find personal essays, I began spending much of my reading time on Substack. It has been a game changer for me. Substack provided a wellspring of personal essays from writers living around the globe, with diverse backgrounds, and offering unique perspectives in both content and writing styles. I found essays that were beautifully written and profoundly personal. I have encountered many writers on Substack who seemed to embrace vulnerability with open arms, sharing their innermost thoughts and experiences with a candor that was both refreshing and motivating. It has become my go-to place for reading personal essays, and for connecting with writers who inspire me to experiment and push away my fears in order to test the boundaries of my own writing.

Reading a diverse array of essays helped me understand the vast range of styles and approaches within the genre. Some writers employed humor to tackle serious subjects, while others used a more straightforward, contemplative tone. This diversity showed me that there is no single “right” way to write a personal essay. Instead, it’s about finding your own voice and allowing it to shine bright through your words.

I also discovered the importance of structure and pacing. Many essays I read were beautifully crafted in a straightforward, linear style. Others used unique and unexpected containers or braided timelines to weave intricate personal tellings. I was often in awe over how these creatively designed essays seamlessly flowed, carrying me, the reader, along on an emotional journey. Studying these structures encouraged me to consider new ways of organizing my essays, and to scrutinize which of my life experiences would be best retold in some of these more experimental styles.

I’ve been drawn to personal essay writing more lately, as they often include moments of introspection and self-discovery—themes that resonate and appeal to me. My favorite essays to read are those that provide a mirror in which I can see my own struggles and triumphs reflected. They remind me that I am not alone in my experiences, that others had walked similar paths and emerged stronger for it. I have found this sense of connection incredibly motivating when drafting my own essays. I want to write and share my personal essays in hopes that my stories resonate with readers, and as way to explore and reflect some of my most challenging life experiences and personal philosophies. One of those that I’m most eager to explore is the concept of home, and how its ever-changing definition has impacted my life.

When someone asks me where I’m from, I often hesitate, a momentary pause that likely conveys confusion to the asker. It’s not that I don’t remember growing up in the small village of Falconer, NY, an hour south of Buffalo. It’s just that the concept of “where you’re from” is intrinsically linked to where you consider home, and Falconer ceased to be that for me over twenty-six years ago. I’ve spent more years away from the village that raised me than I ever did living there.

Since leaving home at eighteen, I grew wings. I have been a bird—uncaged and flying free. I have lived in six different states and four different countries, journeyed through forty-four of the fifty states, and visited thirty-five different countries over six continents. These experiences have profoundly shaped my perspective, expanding my worldview far beyond the small-town confines of my upbringing. Each journey has bestowed upon me a wealth of experiences, fostering an extraordinary empathy and respect for other cultures. I’ve deeply internalized a belief that there isn’t just one right way to live, love, or believe, instead they are infinite. For many years, I was content with the notion that home was not a physical place but a feeling I carried with me around the world. However, after so many years of a peripatetic life, I find myself yearning for something different. I want to put down roots, to build a community, to know and be known by people. Yet, sometimes those desires feel almost shameful to a vagabond like me. I am fortunate that life affords me so much travel and adventure. How could I willingly give that up?

This emerging desire for a tangible sense of home is what prompted me to write a personal essay exploring what home means to me, and how it’s evolving. While working on this essay about defining home, I read Joy Sullivan’s essay, “Woman in the Savanna: On Returning Home,” on Substack. Sullivan’s reflections on her childhood in the Central African Republic and her poignant descriptions of returning to Africa nearly thirty years later opened my eyes to even more ways to think about the concept of home. Like Sullivan, I’ve moved frequently since leaving my small town in western New York, never settling in one place long enough to truly call it home. Her story was a beveled mirror for mine, as we both agree home doesn’t have to be a fixed location; it can be a feeling, a memory, or even a journey.

In her essay, Sullivan writes, “In the end, the questions of our lives are simple. How will you answer the wounded child inside you? Whose grief will you bury in the dirt? On what road will you kneel down and touch your forehead, three times, to the earth?” These questions resonated deeply with me and challenged me to look at my own sense of home through an introspective lens. Her story of kneeling down and touching the red dirt of Tanzania to ground herself was particularly powerful, illustrating how reconnecting with past experiences and places can bring a sense of closure and healing. I wonder if I need make peace with my previous definitions and expectations of home in order to heal, and allow myself to accept and awaken to what is next for me.

Reading personal essays written by others has been more than just an educational exercise. It has given me the confidence to explore my own stories, to trust in my voice, and to believe that my experiences are worth sharing. As I continue to read and write more essays, the line between reader and writer has blurred, as each role informs and enriches the other. I am so grateful for the writers who dare to share their lives so honestly. The act of writing essays has become a conversation—a dialogue between my experiences and those of the writers who have come before me. Their words guide me, challenge me, and have helped me set down new roots in the writing world.

Starting Places to Help You Write the Hard Stuff

As I analyze what the concept of home means to me, I’ve been collecting quotes from other writers who have explored the topic. Here are some of my favorites to ponder:

1. “Home is the nicest word there is.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder
2. “Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.” – Christian Morgenstern
3. “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” – Maya Angelou
4. “Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.” – John Ed Pearce
5. “Home is where my habits have a habitat.” – Fiona Apple
6. “Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.” – James Baldwin
7. “Home is where you find light when all grows dark.” – Pierce Brown
8. “I believe wherever dreams dwell, the heart calls it home. So may you untangle yourself from the twist of melancholy and let your thoughts carry you back to the birthplace of your truth.” – Dodinsky
9. “Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.” – Helen Rowland
10. “It’s not about finding a home so much as finding yourself.” – Jason Behr